Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I just don't know...

I'm sitting here right now reading people's blogs and trying to catch up with people's lives.  A "To Do" list sits by its lonesome on my desktop, with things that would keep me busy for at least two weeks if I did nothing else.  Meanwhile, a little girl who just turned 8 last week lies on her back next to me.  She is mouthing the words to Defying Gravity and a word comes out accidentally every now in then in a whisper.  Her mother got her a book yesterday all about the making of Wicked, and her mind has been on nothing else since (except last night briefly for our group reading of the Chronicles of Narnia).  I can't help envying her simplicity.  Why don't I get excited about little things like that any more?  Why don't I get swept away by the amazingness of life and love and grace that is so much grander than any song from a musical?  Am I that much older and wiser that I can't justify total enthrallment with something when a to do list looms over my head?

Maybe I should add something enthralling to my to do list.  Maybe I should make myself enthralled about my to do list.  Maybe I should scrap to do lists altogether and just do things as they come up and hope I don't forget anything important.  Maybe I should just sit down and do the to do list and then let myself get enthralled about something.  Since I can't figure out what to do, I'm writing this, which isn't all that enthralling and isn't on my to do list.  There's something joyous about that, too, I think.

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